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Questions Your Family Asked You This Christmas

Yesterday was Christmas, and per holiday tradition, my husband and I went to celebrate at my Irish Catholic grandmother’s house. Naturally, it was a pretty big crowd, all packed into the leprechaun-sized bungalow that my dad and his siblings grew up in.

And with that many family members, you’re bound to get a few fabulous questions thrown your way. So, without further ado, here are the best of this year’s Christmas Questions.

P.S. This is not safe for work!

Q: What was your favorite Christmas present?
A: The gift from my husband. I asked for nothing, and he came through.

Q: (Cousin peering into the patchwork manger) Did anyone else notice that Mary had triplets this year?
A: Gifts for the wisemen? :/

Q: Should I bring LSD to the party?
A: Please don’t.

Q: (Nun #1) What possessed you to write a book about prostitutes?
A: Satan.

Q: When are you guys having babies?
A: Probably not.

Q: Is Annelise pregnant?
A: (squawked across the house) Hell no!

Q: Why aren’t you having babies yet?
A: Because we’re poor, and it would be unfair to the children.
Q: I knew 12 kids raised in a chicken coop, and they were all perfectly happy!
A: That’s fucked up.

Q: How did you do research for your book?
A: I watched a ton of porn.

Q: Speaking of porn, did you hear about the teacher who accidentally gave his students a porn link for a homework assignment?
A: . . .
Q: (imitating student) Um, excuse me, but could I have some extra homework for the weekend, please?

Q: Did you know, in Egypt, they shit in the Nile?
A: Did you know, in New York City, they shit in the East River?

Q: Where’s your sister?
A: In the Carolinas.
Q: Doing what?
A: Her boyfriend.

P.S. I love my family very much, and I appreciate the writing fodder they provide. So, when they inevitably read this post, I would just like to assure them that I thoroughly enjoyed all of our conversations. (And the lasagna was fantastic!)

What was the best question you were asked this holiday season? Feel free to comment below!

3 thoughts on “Questions Your Family Asked You This Christmas”

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